In Loving Memory
by MarieRock
Summary: Ichigo's life is suddenly ended in an unexpected way. His powers are gone and he doesn't know where he'll end up going because of his situation as a substitute soul reaper. Slight IchiRuki.


Okay, so I've had this idea for a oneshot for a few weeks now, and I'm finally going to write it! :D I'm excited, I hope you are too!

Alright, here we go. I'm not sure how this going to turn out, so please give me your honest opinions.

Here we go!

_-:-_

After winning all the fights I had while being a soul reaper, I never expected to die like I did. I'd put my life at risk every day for the last three years fighting hollows and any other enemy of the Soul Society, but my life was ended by a train.

I remember that day perfectly. I was walking home from school when it happened. It was about a week and a half until graduation. The sun was beating down on us and the wind was blowing like crazy. There was a strong scent of freshly cut grass that lingered in the air as people took advantage of the nice weather. There were immense groups of students walking home that day, mostly kids from the junior high. The sidewalks were crowded, so Rukia and I waited for most of them to get a good head start before starting home.

We fought, like every other day. "What is _wrong_ with you, Ichigo? Can't I ask you a simple question anymore?" she had shouted at me after I answered her with an "attitude".

"Nothing's wrong! Just shut the hell up and leave me alone!" I retorted, the warm weather adding to my annoyance, which only made me more apt to argue.

"All I did was ask you if you were okay, you didn't have to be such an ass about it!"

"I _wasn't_ being an ass! I just said 'I'm fine.'!" I continued angrily.

"Whatever, Ichigo! Don't bother talking to me until you get rid of your shitty attitude!" she demanded while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine!" Obviously, that wasn't the response she had wanted to her previous statement either.

"God, _I hate you!_"she shouted, getting a few of the younger kids' attention, but we ignored their stares. "Get away from me!"

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the fact that her words had cut me. "Whatever," was all I said as I quickened my pace and created enough distance between us.

Trying to forget our whole argument, I popped in my ear buds and turned on my MP3 player, turning the volume up all the way. I listened to whatever was loud enough to suit my angry state.

I continued to walk ahead of her, but glanced back every now and then to make sure she was still following. I approached the railroad tracks we needed to cross to get to our house, used to the route. I had my hands in my pockets, one fumbling with the music device. My head was down, and a train was coming. With the loud music, I honestly couldn't hear it. To make it worse, the safety arms were broken and didn't advise my naive ass that something was coming. I walked about half way across before I heard Rukia's ear splitting scream.

"ICHIGO!"

I turned around to see her horrified face but had no time at all to figure out what was happening.

Of course, I was hit. The pain was excruciating, but it only lasted a few minutes. After the pain left my body, so had I. When I realized my soul had departed from my body, I saw the scene. The train had stopped moments after hitting me, but it didn't stop the impact. My body was so mangled, I could only glance at it before turning around and throwing up.

Being outside of my body after dying was a lot different than leaving it to Kon. Though I didn't look at it long, it didn't look like me, excluding the fact that it was so destroyed. It didn't feel like me anymore. Suddenly, my soul felt like I was in my body. But it wasn't the feeling of relief I sometimes felt when I got back into my body. It was like I had lost that safe area and I was completely exposed. I was out in the open for everyone to see, even though no one _could_ see me.

"Ichigo!" I heard Rukia scream again, but quieter. She was crying loudly, which honestly surprised me. I quickly ran around the mess and approached her.

"Sh, Rukia, I'm right here," I said. I felt so guilty she had to see it. I couldn't even look at the result without vomiting, and she watched it happen.

Rukia grabbed my arm tightly, but that was the only thing she did that made is seem like she saw me. Continuing to cry, she just shook her head.

"Rukia, listen to me, I'm right here. Can't you see me?" I asked, starting to panic.

Thankfully she nodded. "Yes," she answered quietly.

"Don't worry, alright? I'll...be back soon," I said, unsure if that was possible. Because I was already a soul reaper, I had no idea what would happen to me. For some reason, my sword wasn't even with me and I was wearing a white kimono similar to the one shinigami wore. I didn't feel connected to Zangetsu at all, I couldn't find him. I couldn't even sense my inner hollow, he was no where to be found.

Suddenly Rukia was dragged away by someone in a police uniform. I heard parts of their conversation. He was just asking her what she saw, what happened, why I stepped in front of a train. (Apparently their first guess was that I had committed suicide. They didn't assume someone was as stupid as I had been.) After they finished questioning her, Rukia placed a green capsule in her mouth causing her soul to be ejected from her gigai.

She approached me, her face still filled with worry. She pulled her sword from it's sheath and turned in around in her hands, the hilt facing forward. Standing on tip-toe, Rukia aimed the end of the hilt at my forehead. I grabbed her arm before she could perform the spiritual burial.

"I'm going be okay, right?" I asked, panicking again. "I'll just...go to Soul Society like anyone else would, won't I?"

Her brow creased as she answered me. "I...don't know. I'm not sure what's going to happen, I've never known someone in your position before," she said, referring to the fact that I had gotten rid of my chain a long time ago and became a shinigami.

"Well, why don't we wait? I can go to Soul Society with you and we can talk to-" I stated.

"We can't. That hollow of yours can still get the better of you. Whenever he pleases."

"I can't even feel him!"

"You usually can't after you die. Not right away. That's why souls don't want to leave earth right away, they don't feel the danger of them staying. I'm sorry, Ichigo, I have to send you on your way," she answered, tears forming in her eyes again. I frowned down at her as she continued. "If,...When you get to Soul Society, head right to the Seireitei. The guards all know you, they'll let you in. Get out of Rukongai as soon as you can, you understand?"

I nodded.

"So, do you have any questions before you go?" she asked, her voice more controlled now.

"Yeah, where's Zangetsu? I don't feel him either and I don't have my sword," I said, getting a disappointed look from Rukia.

She sighed, the small section of bangs in between her eyes raising for a second before falling back in place. "I don't know...that's not a good sign. Just, go to Ukitake-san. Tell him I sent you. He'll help you," She said. "Okay, I have to finish, your family's on their way." She started to push the hilt of her sword to my forehead again, but I held her arm back another time.

I didn't say anything, I just continued to frown down at her, scared I wouldn't see her again.

"Stop that, Ichigo," she said sternly. "We're worrying over nothing, you'll be fine," she continued, although there was no way of knowing that for sure. In spite of what she just said, Rukia pulled her arm away from me and hugged onto my waist. I hugged her back and heard her say, "Good luck," her voice muffled by my chest.

She pulled away and lifted her sword quickly, pressing the hilt to my forehead, catching me off guard. "See you soon, Ichigo," she said, sure of herself this time. I nodded and quickly closed my eyes, afraid of what was going to happen to me.

_-:-_

I opened my eyes moments later, the surroundings changing so fast it made me dizzy. I recognized the place as a whole, not the particular place I was. It was Rukongai. I had made it!

I looked around, placing a hand over my eyes to shield them from the bright sun. Looking in every direction, I couldn't see the Seireitei. _Oh, shit, where am I? What district is this?_

I saw a lot of people, but most of them were alone. I had to know where I was to find my way to the Seireitei. I spotted an old woman and approached her, keeping my distance. "Uh, Ma'am, could you tell me where I am?" I asked, trying to be as polite as possible. If I was in one of the higher numbered districts, people were more dangerous, maybe even this grandma.

She glared at me. "Get away from me!" she shouted, taking a step away from me. I did the same, giving her more room.

"Please," I started. "I just want to know where I am, then I'll leave you alone." I rose my hands in front of me, palms facing her, to show that I wasn't going to hurt her.

She gave me a sour look before answering. "You're in _Kusajishi_, the 79th division."

My eyebrows rose in surprise. "Now get away from me!" The old woman shouted, snapping me out it.

I nodded, thanked her, and walked away. With the help of a few other lone souls, I finally started in the direction of the Seireitei. During the few days it took me to get there, I surprisingly didn't get into too much trouble. A few guys tried to attack me, probably in the hope that I had some kind of money or something valuable on me. I took care of them easily and continued on my way.

By the time I reached one of the gates I started to recognize where I was. It was the same part of Junrinan, the first district. It was the place that held the entrance I had taken the first time I went to the Seireitei. I saw Jidanbō standing in front of the gates, looking forward, not seeming to notice me.

I continued to walk toward him, waving to get his attention. "Jidanbō! Hey, it's me, Ichigo," I shouted as he looked down at me.

His eyes widened and he smiled widely. I returned the gesture and opened my mouth to speak, but was soon cut off. His hand was suddenly around my midsection, restraining my arms, as he lifted me so we were eye level. "Ichigo! The Ryoka! You're back to visit Jidanbō?"

I struggled to breath, until I noticed how far away the ground I was. "Put me down, put me down!" I shouted, my voice more panicky than angry.

He didn't listen, only urged me to answer his question. "Did you come to visit?"

"No! Put me down! Please!"

Again, he didn't seem to hear me. "What happened, why are you in that white kimono?"

"I-I died a few days ago, Rukia told me to come here. I don't know where my zanpakuto is, I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I answered quickly, still distracted by my fear of heights.

"Oh! I see! Jidanbō will let you in! No problem!" he exclaimed, obviously glad to be helping me out.

I nodded frantically. "Okay, just put me down!"

This time Jidanbō quickly moved his hand closer to the ground, dropping me a few feet from the surface. I landed on my ass and glared up at him, but he didn't notice. He moved to the gate and knelt down, his hands gripping the bottom. He lifted the stone wall like it was nothing, turning back at me and smiling. "Go ahead, Kiddo! Good luck!" he said.

I stood quickly, entered the empty space, turned around, and waved good bye to him. "Thanks for your help, Jidanbō!" And with that the stone wall fell back down.

_-:-_

I walked around the Seireitei, getting funny looks from unfamiliar people. I got so sick of seeing people I didn't know, I stopped some short girl who was walking the opposite direction as me and staring at me. "Hey, where can I find Ukitake from the 13th division?"

The girl pointed in the direction of the division, silently, looking scared. I headed the way she directed me to go, approaching a building that had a 13 on it, which should have been my first clue. I walked in, looking around. Ukitake was sitting in front of a desk, a cup of tea in hand, looking back at me, confused. "Kurosaki? What are you doing here?"

"I died a few days ago," I said. "Rukia told me to come to you. I don't know what's going on," I continued, explaining how Zangetsu wasn't with me and that my hollow had seemed to be gone too.

Thankfully, Ukitake told me that the fact that I had returned to Soul Society was a good sign. He told me wait a few days, maybe a few weeks, and see what changes occur. It took a full, worried-filled month before my powers returned to me, seeming to be stronger than ever.

During that long month I had to make a tough decision of either staying in Soul Society and becoming an official shinigami or returning to Earth and living in a gigai where people wouldn't recognize me. If I stayed in Soul Society, Ukitake reassured me that I would most likely be seated right away, not having to attend the academy. But if I went back home...I'd get to see my family way more often than if I stayed and I'd still get to be a part time shinigami. I'd also get to go to college and get a job, something I had actually been looking forward to. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but I was lucky Rukia was there to help me.

She was told about my arrival a few days after I got to the Seireitei and quickly came to see me. That month Rukia and I were practically inseparable; we were always discussing the situation I was in. I never stopped worrying over my decision and neither did Rukia. Then it happened.

The moment I regained my powers, I knew what I wanted to do. It just seemed like such an obvious answer, I felt pretty stupid for worrying about it for so long. I went to the Head-Captain, Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto, and told him I had made up my mind. I told him I would return to Earth and live a normal life and be a part time soul reaper. I also told him that I would help out with anything that the Soul Society needed me for. Though he was disappointed with my choice and tried to persuade me with a high ranking seat in a good squad, he eventually nodded and wished me good luck.

A week later I was in Tokyo, unpacking my stuff Dad had sent me into the apartment he was helping me pay for. Rukia was there, unpacking her things. She had requested getting transferred and they Ukitake allowed it happily. I was glad that I still had her with me too.

Dying was completely unexpected and it happened in such an ironic way. After being a substitute soul reaper for almost three whole years, I didn't anticipate to die from being hit by a train. But nonetheless, death hasn't slowed my life down at all. I was still living like a human and helping out the soul society. I was still working and going to school. I was still able to live with the person I love.

_-:-_

This story is dedicated to a family friend. He passed away years ago, when I was young and didn't really understand what had happened. Although I wasn't sure what had occurred, his absence at church and at friendly gatherings affected me and my siblings immensely.

His name was John Paul and he died by getting hit by a train. He was mentally handicapped and had the attitude of a child around my own age at the time of his death, being a big reason as to why we got along so well. He was 23 years old when he passed away and he had a person, a caretaker type, live with him in an apartment. John wanted to go to the store one day and his caretaker claimed to be too busy to give him a ride, so John walked. The person living with John chased after him, not realizing that he had left to walk to the store. While John was walking across the tracks his roommate called out his name, distracting him. He was hit and killed.

Of course I don't blame the caretaker. He made a mistake; everyone makes mistakes.

This story is supposed to be humorous, but please don't think I took or take John Paul's death lightly. I based Ichigo's death on John's, but the humor represents John's easy going, always joking personality. In this story I hoped to capture the happiness John Paul brought to everyone around him. Thank you for reading. In loving memory of John Paul, a caring son, friend, and Christian.

_-:-_

Okay, so that oneshot took me like...two weeks to write, but I really like it! :) I don't know why, I think the writing is alright, but mostly I like the plot.

Anyway, I'm sorry the ending is so sudden. One minute Ichi's talking to Ukitake and the next I'm concluding the story. Sorry, I just really wanted to end it, but I think I made it work okay. Better than I expected, ah ha! :D

So, please review and let me know what you think! :) I'd really appreciate it! :P


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